Joe and I often eat out when he has a day off. We tend to go to the same places where we know the food is good and I am familiar with the lighting and layout of the restaurant. Dining out with RP definitely has its challenges and I like to be ready for whatever comes at me out of the dark corners that occupy most of my vision.
There are often awkward moments with waiters who I don’t see coming with menus and plates of food. Occasionally I bump into someone while waking to the table, but I have Joe to help guide me and I always follow closely behind him. I tend to avoid using the restroom so I don’t have to walk through a crowded room and risk a possible collision with a server carrying trays of food and drinks. I know that waiters and patrons must notice that something is off with me, but they usually just stare and don’t say anything.
Last weekend, we went to Canters Deli; a historical landmark in our part of Los Angeles. It is almost always crowded, but we have been there a lot and I made it to the table unscathed. We had an exuberant and quite gregarious waiter who recommended I order something new, which I didn’t regret. He was great about checking on us and refilling coffee and I thought I was going about my meal with my RP undetected, but I was wrong.
When our waiter brought the check, I asked him if I could please get the uneaten part of my meal to go. He smiled and looked at me quizzically, then looked down toward the table. I followed his eyes and saw that he had already placed the to-go container in front of me. Naturally, I didn’t see him, because I only have 15% of my peripheral vision. Usually, waiters just give me a stare and a grimace and move along, but this guy said something. He commented on having noticed that when he brought our plates, I didn’t even flinch in acknowledgement of his being there. I was actually grateful that he took the time to say something because it gave me the opportunity to tell him about my vision loss. It is always refreshing for me when people don’t shy away from the RP elephant in the room. So, I gave my little spiel about RP, I made a little joke, he made a little joke (which I like because it lightens the conversation) and wished us a good afternoon.
I know I have written about this before, but because I don’t see what I don’t see, RP often sneaks up and reminds me of the steel grip it has on my life. I struggle a lot with feeling different and inadequate, so when someone treats me like a grown up and talks to me about what they notice in regard to what I am obviously not seeing, I find it releases me from uncomfortable and awkward feelings. The waiter at Canters got a good tip.
November 17, 2015 at 2:57 am
What a great post! I think its been nearly two years since I last commented on your blog and I need to thank you for the support I’ve taken from you x. I now have a guide dog. The other night I went to a concert with my husband and had to leave the guide dog at home. For old times I decided just to use him as a guide and not my cane thinking people would think me sighted. Funnily enough, most people recognised me as blind straight away! Ironically, my guide dog makes me appear so functional people think I’m fully sighted and a guide dog trainer! PS What was the fab dish you ordered! xxx
November 17, 2015 at 12:41 pm
Hi Liz – You just made my day with this note. I am so touched that you took the time to tell me that I have been a support in your journey with RP. It always makes me feel better when I feel connected with other people who have RP and If I can in turn, provide support, then I know my choice to write is worth it.I love your story about your experience at the concert and it sounds like your dog has been an amazing addition to your life. The dish I got at the deli was a turkey ruben; I was going to order a tuna sandwich, but the waiter commented that I could get that anywhere, so I took his suggestion and was not sorry; the ruben was yummy and decadent. I would love to hear more about your guide dog and how you came to the decision to get one. Thank you for your support and kindness. xoxo
November 19, 2015 at 7:19 pm
Liz – Thank you for sharing your story. I also have RP and it is nice to hear about everyday life through the eyes of another person with RP. It makes me feel less alone in my fight, especially in a restaurant environment. There has been numerous times when I had anxiety finding the restroom in a new place or knocked over drinks at another table. I just started writing a blog around everything RP and have you on my news list to follow your posts. Thank you for taking the time to write and I look forward to reading more!
November 20, 2015 at 12:52 pm
Hi Nick. Thank you for your support and your blog. I am definitely going to follow you.
Susan
February 5, 2018 at 7:42 pm
It’s true…acknowledge the person not the condition. The condition is not you. One of Gwen’s posts at her Kintsukuroi Life blog was about that this Christmas. I linked to her in the post I did about your deep dive. This is the one: https://wordpress.com/read/blogs/130001626/posts/2363
February 6, 2018 at 3:55 am
She is amazing – I just recently discovered her through Bojana. Although she and I are dealing with very different things, I recognize the frustrations. I love the bit about the kids; it is so true. I remember my young nieces and nephews wanted to ask questions about the RP, while the adults just tried to ignore it.
February 6, 2018 at 6:13 am
Bojana is great at showing you things you never would have seen or found without her.
February 6, 2018 at 6:36 am
She is!