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Stories From the Edge of Blindness

In 2002, Retinitis Pigmentosa changed my life. This is my story of a slow approach to darkness.

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Life in Los Angeles

All I Have Right Now is Poetry

It has been a turbulent year. I haven’t done a lot of writing and almost no submitting, but I did have a few poems come out this month. Right now, it is all I have to share.

I already shared the poem in Orange Blossom Review, but if you would like to have another peek, you can do so here. My poem “Wax” appeared in Fresh Air Poetry, a new publication from the former editor of Amaryllis, Stephen Daniels. I also have a poem in this months Burning House Press that you can read here.

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From the Quiet comes Poetry

Everything is so quiet and so very loud. Each step I take is labored, heavy and uncertain. I haven’t written much at all this year, or submitted or had much published, but today I opened my email to a lovely surprise. Issue 3 of Orange Blossom Review came out yesterday, and I am honored to have one of my poems in its virtual pages, amongst the work of so many talented writers. If you want to take a peek at the issue, you can so here.

Hollywood Poems

“Lady Street Jesus” is the last of 3 poems that were originally published in The Furious Gazelle. If you haven’t yet checked out TFG, I highly recommend you do, and if submitting writing is your thing, definitely think about submitting to them.

If you would like to read all 3 of my poems in TFG, you can do so here. If you want to subscribe to my YouTube channel, you can do so here. And, please check out my website, designed so beautifully by my husband, Joe.

Flush – Recorded Poetry Series

My energy is pretty zapped right now, my thoughts consumed with what is happening to my father. I feel sad and emotional. I feel so grateful for all of the kindness I receive here, and for the amazing writing that I get to lose myself in. But, right now, I am not reading much and certainly not writing much. I feel like a stone, slowly sinking as everything goes dark. I will get through this. I will meet the challenges that face me.

In the meantime, I have the last two poems from The Furious Gazelle recorded and will share those. In advance, I am sorry to post and run.

Flush

Lurking behind the thin
stained metal of a bathroom stall,
brazen and breathing gravel,
she waits for an audience.
I open the door to a greeting
that crackles with delight,
but the smell of her misery 
crowds the room.
She steps elegantly from
behind the tin curtain and
bows to her reflection in the mirror.
Her hair is tangled and covered with despair.
She is searching for a song
that died with the starlets of Ragtime.
Lips that drip fire grasp at words
falling through blisters and cracks.
Her nose seeps with determination.
She smudges blood across her teeth
with a tremoring hand, burps,
and flushes herself down the toilet.

Gold Lame’

This will be my last post before I turn 50, and honestly, I may have the kind of hangover that takes a few days to recover from, so this may be my last post for a week or so.  I am still undecided what the celebrations will look like.  That said….

I am continuing my recorded poetry series today with a poem that was originally published in The Furious Gazelle.  The Furious Gazelle is a super cool and eclectic journal, with editors whose artistic sensibilities have range, depth and flare.  “Gold Lame'” is the first of three poems I was lucky to have published with them, along with a couple of essays.

My range as a writer may not be very expansive; I tend to write about just a few things.  But, one of those things is my city, and in my city lives a wealth of characters to write about.  All three of the poems in The Furious Gazelle were inspired by Hollywood…the real Hollywood.

 

Gold Lame’

Toothless ladies reign
over my Hollywood neighborhood,
holding court on street corners.
Gold lame’ and a slash of red lips,
she flicks you away like filth off skin
and barricades you from the
wreckage of her fortress.
She sits on a throne of fading glamour
and keeps watch over the tumble of
ravaged relics that house her memories.
She came to the city to be gild
and slathered in star light,
but settled for a crown of tin with
rubies made of glass.

 

From The Hungry Chimera

It has been interesting, and a bit strange, resurrecting my older poems for the Recorded Poetry Series I started on YouTube.  Although I hope I have grown as a writer and will continue to grow and evolve, the earlier poems, I think, create a foundation that I am grateful for.  It can be enlightening to revisit beginnings, hold them gently and thoughtfully in your hand, rather than tear them apart.

This poem, published in the second issue of The Hungry Chimera, is called, “Paper Bag Dance”.  You can read it and the entire second issue here.  This is an exquisitely beautiful journal that I am proud to have been a part of.

Paper Bag Dance

City life enshrouds the girl in a paper bag.
She tucks herself in tightly
and shrinks from the onslaught of strangers
who walk briskly and have no eyes.
They rush through the grind,
living without the hesitation
that is born of curiosity.
She stumbles past shops,
staring into frosted panes and
disappears into her own reflection.
Waltzing behind the glass with a
stranger whose scent she longs to inhale,
she is liquid and light on her feet.
She reaches out to caress the strangers gown,
but her fingers press hard against
the brittle paper bag.

 

 

Little House (For Kat)

I am continuing my recorded poetry series with another poem that was originally published in Wildflower Muse.  Heather put out a submission call for work related to the theme of music, and “Little House (for Kat)” was what came from the inspiration of that theme.  Music has always been a big part of my life.  I grew up in  2 musical households.  My parents were both musicians and my brother, sister and I all inherited that love for music.  Music was also a big part of the longest and closest friendship of my life.  If you would like to read the published version of the poem, you can do so here.  You can also subscribe to my YouTube channel, if you’d like to hear more poetry.

 

 Little House
(For Kat)

You were 19 and I was 20,
living in a one bedroom apartment,
learning how to be inventive with top ramen.
We drank jugs of cheap wine,
chain smoked a grown up brand of cigarettes
and watched Little House on the Prairie re-runs.
My favorite were the seasons of Mary’s blindness.
We agreed it would be better to be blind than deaf,
long before I knew I was treading on Mary’s heels.
It was impossible to imagine living without the
chaotic rhythms and lilting tones of sorrow
that shaped our friendship.
You worked long days in a record store,
brought home shopping bags filled with
bootlegs and coveted early copies of new releases.
We crept around Los Angeles in your old red car,
memorizing the lyrics to Sinead’s new songs,
thinking up cool band names and
talking about affairs with older men.
You introduced me to Concrete Blonde,
got me hooked on Mary’s Danish and
spoon fed me Thelonious Monster.
You were with me in my first mosh pit,
where I was lifted out over the crowd
and lost my china doll shoes.
After seeing bands in the back rooms of
neighborhood guitar stores,
we spent hours in all night coffee shops.
You liked your coffee sweet, mine was always black.
I wrote bad song lyrics on napkins and
you created fortresses from salt shakers and creamer packets.
We made plans for the band we’d start some day.
Our life was marked by a sound track
of frenzy and shadows, a language
that brought us together,
but the blues crept up my back and
tore me away from our bastion
of skyways and melancholy.
Almost 30 years later, the record shop is gone
and you have moved across the ocean,
but the songs that conjure up our time together
will always send me reeling back to nightclub jitters.

 

 

I Become the Noise

In a split second, the weight of my mind can become unbearable.  The feeling of my skin disgusts me.  I remember everything that makes me ugly, all the anger and how I have hurt people.  I start thinking about everything I have lost.  I weave myself into the fabric of lies I believe in, as if they are prophecy.  I become the nightmare. I become the noise. Continue reading “I Become the Noise”

The Opiate Magazine

I am thrilled to have a poem in The Opiate Magazine today.  3 more of my poems have been accepted for their next print issue and I am over the moon.  My huge thanks to editor, Genna Rivieccio!

If you would like to read my poem, you can do so here.

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