On a recent trip to San Francisco, my sister told me that she had read that San Francisco is in danger of destruction should the “big one” (earthquake) hit, but that surprisingly, Los Angeles is not in danger of slipping off into the ocean as most people predict. The idea of slipping off the edge made me think of RP and how it is as if my vision is sliding off into the abyss, into nothing.
It seems strange that slowly losing your vision feels like watching the world become more immense. As my peripheral world slips away I imagine all the things I would have seen falling slowly into a blackness that consumes with a gluttonous joy. It is as if the world has ceased to be round and has grown sharp edges that steal anything that comes too close; my vision walks a constant perilous tightrope along the edge of the world, and over that edge is a dark vast landscape of nothingness. Sometimes, when I feel unsure of my footing or my surroundings in general, I get the sensation that I am going to fall and that there will be no arms, no ground, nothing to catch me; as if I would never stop falling.
When I think about the possibility of blindness, I imagine it would be the loneliest I could ever be.