RP has thrown me into a life of leisure. It sounds decadent, but has felt confusing and burdensome. It has been a struggle for me to brush off the restraints of socialization and embrace the time that RP has afforded me. I had such grand ideas when I first stopped working in the traditional world; I was going to immerse myself in writing and finish my memoir, but instead I retreated and built a cocoon of shame and self loathing. I spent years trying to figure out how to be a blind person and forgot how to be anything else.
Although my days of not working can be exhausting because of the need for constant visual vigilance every time I leave the house, I get to choose when and where I go. I have the freedom to decide what my days look like and what path my life will follow, unencumbered by the 9 to 5. in the past year, my focus and my attitude have shifted. I have become a little less afraid and started to think about my life and myself in a more complete way. I am not just the fat girl who is going blind. I am a writer and a wife and a friend and a mom to 4 pets. I am learning again to be person beyond the boundaries of my disease and feeling incredibly grateful for my life of leisure.