I am a lazy blogger. It probably isn’t a secret. Most of my posts are unpolished and clearly just an unwinding of something within me. Lately, they aren’t even new, just links to things I have already written that are appearing elsewhere. In truth, I haven’t been writing a lot the past few weeks; I write every day, but some days the words are few and feel miles from anything remotely palatable.
Most often, here and outside of the blog, I write without direction. I don’t do research or develop plot lines. I put in the time and the work, but I let the words themselves guide me. I revisit them and change them, smash them and polish them, especially with my poetry, but I don’t approach them with forethought. I suppose the unwinding is simply my writing process, but this saturates me with self-doubt; I always return to the idea that I must be doing it wrong, that I don’t have the tools to do it right. I am terrified that I will finally discover what I have feared all along, that I am a fraud.
Continue reading “Fraud”