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Stories From the Edge of Blindness

In 2002, Retinitis Pigmentosa changed my life. This is my story of a slow approach to darkness.

Blank

I turn good things into dust, eradicate their grandeur and rebuild them into turrets of self doubt and loathing. When something good happens, something I should be proud of, I tarnish it with thoughts that it was a fluke, something that will never happen again. Whatever it is, it isn’t good enough. It will never be good enough. I will never be good enough.  I am blank.  I am afraid to write, afraid that what I believed to be in my blood is only vapor, opaque and insubstantial.  Afraid that I am insubstantial.

The affliction of self loathing, like blindness, feels like an unwelcome guest that creeps endlessly across the landscape of my life.  But, do I invite self loathing?  Is it a habit?  Some clichés are true; old habits die hard.  Or perhaps it is a stirring in my blood, adhered to my bones? Have I learned to loathe myself, or was I born with self loathing in my heart? No matter what I do, what I write, I am still the ugly girl, the child that shouldn’t have been born, the one who failed to do what she was meant to do, who failed to fix what was broken, and then broke apart from the weight of failure.
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2nd Quote Day

This will probably be my last day of quotes, so I have chosen 2 from one of the best writers I have ever had the pleasure of reading.

Thank you again to the incredible person and writer, Steve, for selecting me for this!

Amy Tan has always been one of my favorite writers.  She weaves magic with a precision of language, in a way that no other writer can. And, she also seems like a super  cool lady!!!!!
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Quotes – Day 1

I don’t usually do these challenge things, but when Steve nominated me, I couldn’t resist.  Steve is just a super cool, inspiring, smart, no bullshit guy, and I adore him!  Follow the link above and check out his incredible blog! Thank you Steve for selecting me to participate in this challenge.
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Ink Sweat & Tears March Pick of the Month!

My poem, “Letches”, is the IS&T March Pick of the Month!!!!!!!

I am beyond excited and dancing on the moon!!!!! Also, I can’t deny, in a bit of a state of disbelief!  This is the biggest thing to happen to me in my writing career and I couldn’t be more grateful for all of the love and support and kindness I received.  I have so much thanks to give!

You can read the poem and some of the comments here.

 

 

Poetry that Breaks you Apart

I recently discovered a poet whose use of language is so powerful, it stops my heart.  Clara Burghelea’s poetry breaks you apart and takes you into the minutiae of pulse and breath.  Her work is extraordinary.
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Hiking With Dogs (A Rant)

There is a popular hiking spot near my apartment.  It is a walk up into the Hollywood Hills and then about 2 more miles up a path that has been carved into the mountain.  There are a lot of beautiful hiking spots in L.A.. This isn’t one of them.  But, it is a good work out and it’s free and it  doesn’t require a car to get there (which means I can go on my own), so yesterday I decided to hike instead of getting Pinkberry.  It was a hot day.  Really hot.

Runyon Canyon consists of a paved trail on one side, man-made step like things on the other, about 3 trees and no shade.  There is no respite from the heat when you are up there and the higher you climb the hotter it gets.  So, why the fuck do people bring their dogs?  Obviously, this is something that upsets me.
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One More Day

I have been immersed in working on some pretty intense poems this week, which is both incredibly gratifying and exhausting.  I finally finished and sent them out and now I can breathe for a bit.  I am going to return to writing some new posts next week, but for today, I Just wanted to thank everyone who has supported me with votes for my shortlisted Ink Sweat and Tears poem.

If you want to, but haven’t  had the chance to, vote for my poem, “Letches” for the March Pick of the Month, you can do so here, until tomorrow April 15. And, please feel free to share the link with friends!

Ink Sweat and Tears is publishing some incredible contemporary poetry and they are worth checking out, even if you don’t vote.  I have personally discovered some incredible poets in the virtual pages of IS&T and will be sharing some of their work throughout the month.

Thank you for all of the love and support.  I am feeling so incredibly grateful!

Angela’s Heart Breathings

During my time in this amazing virtual community, I have had the pleasure of reading some extraordinary poetry, from poets all over the globe.  There is no way I could honor all of them in just a month, but I want to dedicate some of National Poetry Month to the poets whose work I found through the blogging world.

Angela has a story somewhat similar to my own.  She wrote when she was younger, and then life happened and she stepped away from the page, but has now returned.  I am so glad she has.  She tells it better than I do:

“About four years ago, I began the process of unbecoming, of shedding the layers of expectation. Of getting lost so I could be found, of asking the right questions so I could find comfort in the being lost. Of just being me.”

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My Poem”Letches” Shortlisted for IS&T Pick of the Month

I just got an email that shot me over the moon and under the sea and back into the heart of the stars!  In March, my poem, “Letches” was published in Ink Sweat & Tears; it was a huge honor and now, the poem has been shortlisted for the Ink Sweat and Tears pick of the month.  I am in a state of disbelief and elation!

The pick of the month is decided by votes and I would be incredibly grateful for yours.  You can follow this link and vote for my poem, “Letches”, until April 15.

Thank you for your encouragement and support!!!!

I am doing a shake rattle and roll kind of happy dance right now!!!!!!!

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