It has been awhile since I have written anything and wish I could say it was because I have been so busy with school and living that the minutes have escaped me, but it wouldn’t be true. I try so hard to keep this story from turning into a tale of self-pity, and so I seem to avoid writing when my mood is singed and grey, but how can anyone go through an experience like RP without those clouded moments?
I was recently approved for Social Security Disability, which basically means that the government is going to help me out because the RP has left me unable to hold down any job for which I was previously qualified. On one side of the coin, getting approved for the disability is a relief; but, on the flip side, it is a reminder of how altered my life is as a result of having RP. Now that I am “on disability”, I feel like I have a big label stamped across my face telling the world yet again how I am not a whole person. It is as if before the disability I was a person with RP and now I am a disabled person. I suppose it is up to me to figure out what that means in the context of my own life. I have felt so different most of my life, like I have never really fit in, and RP is sort of the clincher to that reality. I felt like I had learned to embrace being different and accepted the limitations that come with going blind, so perhaps it is just a matter of fitting the disability piece into the crazy skewed puzzle that has been my life thus far.