I find myself adrift between an old life and a new one, wishing for reinvention and fearing the dark corners of my heart will be discovered, laid bare against the startling landscape. I always manage to sully what is beautiful, slash deceit into that which should be pristine. I long to shed this old cloak, moth eaten and weather worn, but it is so heavy. I am faced again with the reality that no matter which way I turn, or how many masks I carefully construct, it is the same tattered image of myself that lurks in every crevice of the sky. I look to the clouds for comfort, searching for a smattering of memory, my mother’s fingers soft against my cheek, her voice singing me to sleep. I search for an identity that burned brightly, before death and blindness shattered my self confidence.
I can remember a time when I felt, not whole, but able to stand, to inspire and satiate longing. I can remember a time before this shell incapsulated me, when I could look away from the strange curves of my face, forget that I wasn’t what I was supposed to be. I remember a time when feeling different was to feel powerful. I wish I had saved the pieces of the moon that rained down on me when I was vibrant, before I became pastel and mute.
I know that one day I will have to descend from the in-between, that my old cloak will still be with me, firm across my shoulders. But maybe, this time, I will find new threads to stitch the holes, in colours that come from neither memory nor darkness. Perhaps I will find the words to shape new skylines, new textures for what lurks beneath stones and shells and rubble. For now, I remain adrift, not in the shadows, but one of the shadows. For now, I am undetectable.
January 25, 2021 at 7:23 am
Aww lovely to see you write again , this is sad but hopeful and optimistic x enjoy your new beautiful home
January 25, 2021 at 9:38 am
Thank you so much Sweet Jean! I hope that we can spend some time together the next time you are here. xoxoxoxox
January 25, 2021 at 8:01 am
I can detect you. Always have, always will. Hugs to you dear friend. πβ€
January 25, 2021 at 9:39 am
Oh Walt, you are lovely. Thank you so much, my friend! All the best to you and Susan and the whole family! xo
January 28, 2021 at 3:22 pm
Oh wow Susan, that makes me smile. You are very welcome! Hop you and yours are well dear friend. βΊπΆ
January 25, 2021 at 9:04 am
Undetectable? Unlikely, the way you use words.
January 25, 2021 at 9:40 am
You are good and kind, my friend! Thank you for always saying the loveliest things and for helping me feel seen!
January 25, 2021 at 10:17 am
wool and moths suzy
January 26, 2021 at 10:08 am
We can’t really escape ourselves. I’m not sure that’s a solution. Probably not. What we should do is embrace it all. It’s still us, however broken.
January 30, 2021 at 6:21 am
I have missed you, Gorgeous Lady! I am feeling so disconnected right now, but I know it will pass. It always does.
January 30, 2021 at 7:25 am
If it takes time, so be it. Make sure you give it all the time it needs. No strings. Hugs back.
January 28, 2021 at 8:41 am
I find that everything is much lighter, if you can let it go. When you are wearing a cloak, you are preventing your light from shining. Be you my dear, because you is beautiful!
January 30, 2021 at 6:22 am
Oh, you Beautiful, Amazing woman. Thank you so much!!!
January 31, 2021 at 8:02 am
Such beauty in your writing as always. Sometimes we’re afraid to shed the old cloak because, despite its holes, it’s keeping us warm in its own way and we worry about being cold and exposed. But you can get another cloak, maybe one in Emerald Green embroidered with shamrocks (and some mothballs too)! Hugs to you, my dear friend!
February 7, 2021 at 10:16 am
I am just reading this! Thank you, Lovely One! I am so lucky to know youβ€οΈ
February 7, 2021 at 12:34 pm
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February 9, 2021 at 11:41 am
Hi-
I used to read you work long back and again found myself sinking in your poems and work. It’s an honour to read your surreal work. Also, I am enjoying your book- things my mother left behind..
Hoping to interact more!:)
February 11, 2021 at 5:26 am
Hi! I am so happy to connect with you. I have been a fan of your art for some time. I would love to interact more. Thank you so much for reaching out!
February 11, 2021 at 5:29 am
Oh my! I see we both admire each other. I am loving your book. So glad to cross path. π
February 11, 2021 at 5:40 am
I am about to order yours!!!!
February 11, 2021 at 5:41 am
Hope you like it if you do.:)
February 11, 2021 at 5:43 am
I know I will. Your writing is beautiful; it has a dreamlike and liquid quality.
February 11, 2021 at 5:45 am
Awww. Take care, please. Lovely to read you.:)
May 31, 2021 at 6:31 pm
A glimpse of color in the darkness – a ray of hope. Without the light, there would be no shadows. Beautiful! π
July 11, 2021 at 8:20 am
I am just now seeing this! Thank you so much! Comments sometimes hide in the spam folder and I am terrible about checking! Super excited to read your work!
July 11, 2021 at 8:27 am
I wonder why this happens. Quite annoying. So I just check the spam folder regularly now. Thank you so much! Great to connect with you. π