I have been putting a lot of pressure on myself, feeling like this post should be epic, an explosive expression of my feelings and the unparalleled beauty of this country I now call home. But, the words are pale and fall from my fingertips in stutters. It seems that writing about joy is not in my wheel house; I have connected with the words that accompany tragedy for so long, I sometimes fear that I am only half a writer. But, life is also filled with vibrancy, and I want to write about all the shades of life, not just the dark shades; I hope even a fraction of the colours of my new home come through.
I have learned a lot about silver linings this year, about what is meaningful and what can been seen through the deepest darkness. The year began, for me, with unyielding physical pain that increased with the months, and then the world was thrust into battle with a virus that continues to run rampant. I stopped sleeping, I started eating more cake and drinking more wine. I became unrecognizable. I was quietly turning old before my time.
But, coins have two sides and one of them is always shinier than the other. Despite the pain and the virus and the weight, life long dreams came true. My book, “Things My Mother Left Behind”, was published by Potter’s Grove Press, and Joe and I moved to a place I have dreamed of living my whole life, even though I had never been here. I feel so incredibly lucky, and true to my nature, I also feel guilty for my good fortune. Perhaps I am a coin as well, always moving back and forth between the two sides of my own heart, never still, never in rhythm.
The story of our move begins with what I am more comfortable writing about, with drama, with shadows. It begins with a villain, a human vulture who bought our apartment building in Los Angeles and began to dismantle it the day he signed the deed……….
November 29, 2020 at 10:30 am
Every day in life is luck, good or bad, we can help the good continue where possible, or we can do things that allow bad things to become possible. This year has been crazy polar opposite in this, either tragic or lucky to still be around. I am blessed you are around and let’s make the luck continue.
November 29, 2020 at 10:57 am
Always with you, my love.
November 29, 2020 at 10:38 am
Yes life is like a spinning coin (lol I actually wrote a poem in the same vein). You win some and you lose some. Hope keep me going. Congratulations on the move and continued good fortune. Now about this new landlord? Don’t leave a girl hanging 😁
November 29, 2020 at 10:58 am
HI Eric!!!! Part two of this story will be coming very soon!!!
November 29, 2020 at 10:51 am
Despite all that has occurred you have been missed and its good to hear from you again…
November 29, 2020 at 10:58 am
Thanks you so much, Marts!!!
November 29, 2020 at 11:22 am
I’ve been wondering how your move to Ireland went – the island next to England yet another land completely, mostly in the EU, the North it seems a mix of two, the thing with islands is we all like to fish, thing is will we wont we let you, the eternal joy of the UK/EU trade talks – makes figuring out the US election simple, someone won, didn’t they – ah, maybe, maybe not – hmm, not so different from trade deals – concessions ain’t being offered – well at least not yet! All lands are strange, within and across borders – their saving grace is beauty, and people (forget the politicians) – it seems to me you’re in a good place! All the best. Eric.
November 30, 2020 at 4:16 am
Thank you, Eric! The beauty of the landscape and the people are definitely the saving grace. I feel as if I have stepped into a dream.
November 29, 2020 at 11:55 am
Oh, Susan, what a wonderful surprise to read a post from you today. It blesses me to know that you are in Ireland, far from the chaos engulfing your former home, surrounded by beauty. You, my friend, are not half a writer. There are no rules, no requirements that need to be met to call yourself one. You simply need to put words on paper and speak your truth, which you courageously do without inhibition. Despite the hint of despair captured in your words, I marvel at the texture and the poetic beauty that weaves them all together. It’s stunning. Remember this. You just uprooted yourself and planted a new seed. Be patient. It will grow into something more extraordinary than you could have ever imagined. Better days await you. I am eagerly anticipating part 2 of this post, but already want to say that I am so sorry for whatever horror you and Joe had to endure at the hands of this asshole. What I know is that whatever you write, it will be incredible. Big hug, my friend, and lots of love. xo
November 30, 2020 at 8:19 am
Oh Tanya, I am so happy you are back here!! Your support and encouragement are such a gift and I am so lucky and grateful to know you and call you friend. All the love to you, Beautiful One!!!
November 29, 2020 at 12:08 pm
I say, hone that joy and putting it inito the exquisite metaphors for which you are renowned here on out, Love. (: so glad you’re in a new, beautiful place. . . so glad an ugly door opened up into a beautiful new chapter for you. Ugly doors often do that. (: Can’t wait to read the next installment. Love to you my dear !!!
xoxo
November 30, 2020 at 4:18 am
Oh, you Beautiful Amazing Woman!!!! No one knows how to hone joy better than you. You are most definitely one of my teachers in this life. I hope you got my email. I am sending you all the love.
November 29, 2020 at 1:42 pm
Congrats on the move from me too. I mean, you’re in Ireland. How cool is that!!!
The shadows can take a break. But I’m here to listen, so…
November 30, 2020 at 4:10 am
It is pretty cool!!!! It’s so beautiful here! Hugs and love to you, Gorgeous Lady!
November 30, 2020 at 9:54 am
You have to show us some pics. Love back.
November 29, 2020 at 3:52 pm
nice to see your words
hope you have been well
November 30, 2020 at 4:19 am
Thank you so much, John! It is nice to see you too. I hope you are safe and well.
November 29, 2020 at 6:29 pm
So good to see your words. Send much love across the waves.
November 30, 2020 at 4:23 am
Oh, Rita, Thank you so much! I have missed you. I hope you and your family are safe and healthy and enjoying the beautiful Autumn. All the love.
November 30, 2020 at 4:58 am
I’ve missed you too, Susan. We’re hanging in there, best we can. Look forward to reading your posts again.
November 30, 2020 at 9:19 pm
You leave me suspense! I’m so thrilled to see you writing, a lot sooner than I thought. I love your acknowledgement of mainly writing from darkness. It seems that I live in that place most of the time too, its all I know. But I trust we have this unbelievable fortune to be alive during it all and being loved unconditionally. ♡ Miss you friend! I can’t wait for Part 2!!
December 1, 2020 at 3:30 am
I am so glad I left you in suspense!!! I miss you so much and hope that one day you will come and visit here; you would love it!!! I think we both face our darkness and that let’s us appreciate the joy and feel the good fortune! I have always seen so much bravery and light in you, my friend. All the love!
November 30, 2020 at 11:59 pm
Its so lovely to read a post from you.. Truly you deserve all of this and more… Wishing you continuing blessings and a continual turning of the coin.. life is full of polarity…
December 1, 2020 at 3:31 am
Oh, you are so lovely! Thank you so much! I look forward to catching up on your posts. xoxo
December 6, 2020 at 7:28 am
So so happy you’re back. And although the villain vulture was truly awful, he set you on the path to joy, as villains often do (and I know that better than anyone!).
December 7, 2020 at 2:56 am
Thank you, my friend!!!! And yes, his disruption felt like yet another sign that we were making the right choice in moving to Ireland.
December 7, 2020 at 4:42 am
I love that we live in an age where you can move to another country but we can still be in touch and see each other online!
December 24, 2020 at 4:41 am
Me too!!! xoxoxo
December 6, 2020 at 12:19 pm
It’s great to read you again, Susan, and to know you are well and happy. You shouldn’t feel guilty for your good luck — it’s a gift, enjoy it and see what new words it will bring to you. We will be waiting to read!
December 7, 2020 at 2:57 am
Oh B, I absolutely adore you!! Thank you so much! xoxoxoxoxo
December 8, 2020 at 2:14 am
I missed reading you, but it’s good to know everything is working out the way you wanted.
December 24, 2020 at 4:43 am
Thank you, Beautiful! I am still settling into the new reality and in a bit of a whirl, but hopefully by next year my feet will touch the earth again. You are in my thoughts. xoxoxoxo
December 24, 2020 at 1:21 pm
So are you. I wish you a great holiday in your new home.
December 31, 2020 at 10:43 am
Happy New Year, Beautiful!!!!
January 10, 2021 at 2:07 pm
Happy New Year 💖