It seems like ages since I have written about blindness. It feels so small, so insignificant compared to what the world is facing, but regardless of its weight in a moment or hour or day, blindness is always with me. Blindness won’t be ignored or cajoled away. It makes everything I do more challenging, and even in this time of global crisis, blindness refuses to sit quietly.
There was an incident recently, on the stairs, that I told Joe is a perfect physical manifestation of how my mind works. I hurt my knee and was walking up the stairs, very slowly, after helping walk the dogs for the first time in a while. I am trying to use my knee to get it back into working shape. I was close to the top of the stairs when it started to give out, so I grabbed the railing for support. My arm is also injured, so when I grabbed the railing, the pain shot through my shoulder and down to my wrist so intensely, I started crying and couldn’t hold on. I was wearing a mask, which is an impediment to my already impaired vision, and breathing heavy with tears, so my sun glasses fogged up and I couldn’t see anything, and then my aging body decided that it was the perfect time for a hot flash. And oh yeah, there is this virus thing that is killing people all over the planet, so I was trying desperately not to touch anything and get to the hand sanitizer so the virus couldn’t get in the house. If this is the physical manifestation of how my mind works, no wonder I am nuts. The truth is that it was painful and terrifying and I felt so incredibly helpless, but it also made me reflect on how lucky I am.
It has been a challenging time, but regardless of whatever challenges I face, I know that I am lucky. I am lucky to have a home to shelter in and an incredible husband to shelter with. I am lucky to be cared for and nursed through the injuries that come from being partially sighted, (and sometimes just clumsy and old). I am lucky to have neighbors who rally together during times of crisis. I am lucky to live in California where our Governor and mayors are doing the work to protect us and stop the spread of the virus. I am lucky to be able to read and write and feel the support of people around the world. I am lucky that people take the time to read what I write, that I have an actual book coming out into the world. I am lucky to have family and friends and so much love in my life. So, yes, I am blind and broken, I am the chaos on the stairs, but I am also incredibly fortunate and grateful.
April 13, 2020 at 5:47 am
Lucky you.
April 13, 2020 at 5:51 am
And I’m lucky that I woke up this morning to such a positive post. Also “Chaos On The Stairs” would be a great name for a band—you could open for Panic! At The Disco😀 Can’t wait for your book to come out!
April 13, 2020 at 7:53 am
Thank you so much, Beautiful Lady! And, hell yes on the band name! We should start a band! It is a dream I will never give up! xoxoxo
April 13, 2020 at 6:07 am
Think positive and stay safe.
April 13, 2020 at 7:51 am
Thank you!
April 13, 2020 at 10:24 am
sending up a prayer for complete healing of your knee and arm……..
April 13, 2020 at 10:52 am
Thank you Sweet Wendi!
April 13, 2020 at 3:05 pm
you are so very welcome, it is truly my pleasure.
April 13, 2020 at 1:51 pm
What you described would be kind of humorous if it weren’t for the circumstances. Glad you didn’t let go and tumble backwards down the stairs. Remember, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger
April 13, 2020 at 2:54 pm
I actually had a bit of a laugh after. It was so ridiculous.
April 13, 2020 at 3:46 pm
Shit happens
April 13, 2020 at 4:23 pm
It was perfect that I read your post this morning!!!
April 14, 2020 at 12:33 pm
It feels like it’s been years since we have seen each other. My father has been dealing with cone dystropy this year, well dealing with trying to understand why he too is losing his sight, so you have been on my mind ALOT. It is good to see you here (and on fb), hope to catch up soon! I am glad you didnt fall down the stairs!!! I “accidentally” launched myself off the porch and down two stairs in the wheelchair the other day…not fun…but no major injuries
April 14, 2020 at 1:41 pm
Oh, Beautiful Lady, I have missed you. I know you have been posting and I just haven’t been able to catch up on anything. I am sorry about your Dad; is it MD? I am going to send you a message on FB! xoxoxoxo
April 14, 2020 at 2:57 pm
No not MD. A form of cone distrophy with no treatment. On a positive note, we went to a center for the blind and were introduced and GIVEN ( because he is a vet) several tools to aide with magnification and light etc
April 15, 2020 at 8:30 am
I am so glad he got some assistive tools. I know he must be scared. Sending love to you both.