I open my eyes every day feeling  that I owe the world an apology for accommodating me.  I have been told I say I am sorry, too much, but the thing is, I enter every moment, room, situation, apologizing for being there, for being alive at all, I suppose.  That sounds so dramatic.  I am sorry for that. 

Every post I write, every poem, every time I hit publish, I am apologizing in my head for whatever it is I am putting out into the world.  I am a pathological apologizer.  I am not asking you to tell me that I don’t have to be sorry.   If you do, I will just be sorry to have wasted your time.  I am sure it all sounds nuts.  I am sorry for that.

I am sorry for this post.  I am sorry if I offend you.  I am sorry if I don’t. I am sorry if I fail to make you laugh.  I am sorry if I fail to make you cry.  I am sorry for my pulse being too close to the surface.  I am sorry I got in the way.  I am sorry I don’t love the way you need me to, talk, read, write the way you need me to. I am sorry I can’t spell. I am sorry I don’t measure up.  I am sorry for what I say, even when I haven’t spoken.  I am sorry for taking up space here.  I am sorry for not being enough. I am sorry I can’t find the words. I am sorry I don’t understand what you are talking about.  I am sorry for the way I look.  I am sorry for the way I stumble.  I am sorry for being blind.  I am sorry for being the one who lived.  I am sorry I can’t reconcile my place in this world.  I am sorry my heart beats too loudly.  I am sorry that I breathe.  I am sorry that I exist.  I wish I could be invisible. But instead, I am sorry, for being so fucking sorry……..