I linger on the outside of everywhere. I am a skulker, a bone shucker, a fraud. I slip behind curtains, under floorboards, into panes of glass that mute my words. I am awkward and stumble more than I stand tall. I am late to the gathering, last to get the joke, the one in the corner feeling confused. I am hollow, looking for substance, failing. I am fleeting, a pale representation, a liar. I am a nail biter torn to the quick. I am clamor and catastrophe in the flick of a switch. You are my captor, my captivator, my annihilator. You are the steely grip of an unblinking gaze. You are my habit, my protector, you pull the strings. I will always surrender. You will always win.
floweringink
I am a writer, going blind in Los Angeles. This blog is my story of a slow approach to darkness as I traverse through the rubble of urban life. It is what I see in the withering spaces of my remaining vision. It is humor and despair and darkness and light. It is what I witness as the world slowly disappears.
47 thoughts on “The Outside of Everywhere”
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June 23, 2018 at 12:21 pm
Beautiful writing. It reads like a poem. As I said earlier, you’re stronger than you think.
June 23, 2018 at 12:27 pm
Thank you, Gorgeous!
June 23, 2018 at 12:46 pm
Power in prose!!!!!! You rock.
June 23, 2018 at 12:47 pm
Thank you, Rita!!! xoxoxo
June 24, 2018 at 5:39 am
Right? She is amazing!!
June 24, 2018 at 5:44 am
Completely ❤️
June 24, 2018 at 6:34 am
You are both bringing so much love and light into to my world! I am so grateful!
June 24, 2018 at 6:41 am
Ahhh, but it’s YOUR light that drew us ❤️
June 24, 2018 at 6:31 am
Thank you, Beautiful!!!!! You are the amazing one!
June 23, 2018 at 3:49 pm
Marvelous! All of it. Marvelous!
June 23, 2018 at 4:10 pm
Thank you so much, Tom!! You are Wonderful!!! Sending you lots of Birthday love and wishes! Joe and I will be raising a toast to you!!!
June 25, 2018 at 6:52 am
Thank you for that, Susan!
June 23, 2018 at 5:17 pm
Thus is how i feel each time i read your work ☺
June 24, 2018 at 6:24 am
Walt, I absolutely adore you! Thank you for always making my day better!!!!
June 24, 2018 at 7:16 am
You’re very welcome, it’s always a pleasure ☺
June 23, 2018 at 6:15 pm
A little disturbing, but not in a bad way. The emotions I feel from this are utter capitulation, submission and despair. Very visceral
June 24, 2018 at 6:26 am
Thank you, Steve!!!!!!
June 24, 2018 at 1:17 am
And I always surrender to your words…
June 24, 2018 at 6:28 am
The feeling is beyond mutual….
June 24, 2018 at 4:50 am
This is beautifully expressive. It resounds with me so much.
June 24, 2018 at 6:30 am
Thank you so much, Astrid! You are in my thoughts.
June 24, 2018 at 5:28 am
I read a piece of prose
that wasn’t there.
I said to no one in particular,
there is much substance here.
Then I began to disappear!?
June 24, 2018 at 6:31 am
You never fail to amaze me, David!!!!
June 24, 2018 at 5:44 am
So strong, forceful, relate-able. You’re a beautiful, stunning writer.
June 24, 2018 at 6:33 am
Thank you, Sarah! You make my life better! I love you, my friend!
June 24, 2018 at 6:52 am
A masterful piece of writing rife with emotion and truth. Amazing, Susan.
June 24, 2018 at 6:55 am
Thank you, Beautiful Lady!!!! It always makes me so happy to see you here, and I am so grateful for your support and praise!!!
June 24, 2018 at 7:15 am
Reblogged this on MORALITY PARK.
June 24, 2018 at 7:27 am
I relate to this, because I have lived this.
June 24, 2018 at 7:31 am
It is sad that so many of us have and do feel this way, but hopefully in our writing we can help each other feel not quite so alone.
June 24, 2018 at 7:35 am
Thank you.
June 24, 2018 at 7:37 am
Thank you! In your responding to this, I feel less alone on the outside.
June 25, 2018 at 7:38 am
This speaks so deeply to me, Susan! It’s just beautiful. Powerful. Soul-deep!
June 25, 2018 at 7:42 am
Angela, Thank you so much!!!! I am always so uplifted by your comments and your kindness.
June 26, 2018 at 6:55 pm
It’s truly my pleasure. 💜
June 25, 2018 at 12:58 pm
So much depth in this piece Susan. Very very good writing.
June 25, 2018 at 2:07 pm
Thank you so much, Nitin. This means so much to me; you know what an admirer I am of your writing. It is strange how sometimes, the things we just sit down and write, without letting the words or overthinking get in the way, are the things that resonate the most.
June 25, 2018 at 4:11 pm
You’re very welcome Susan and yes stream of consciousness is a technique I deploy in almost all my posts. And thank you.
June 26, 2018 at 8:56 am
I definitely feel that in your work. Obviously the words matter to us, we are writers, but to relinquish control to them a bit can feel liberating. Does that make sense?
June 26, 2018 at 8:46 pm
Yes it definitely does Susan. Unless it’s anger that overwhelms, expressing any other emotion is truly liberating .
July 12, 2018 at 7:43 pm
There’s nothing on my blog yet but thank you for following me as it has drawn me to the wonderful writing on yours. Thank you. Have a blessed weekend. Steve
July 13, 2018 at 6:02 am
I look forward to reading your stories whenever you are ready to share them. The follow is just a little nudge and reminder that I am waiting patiently.
July 13, 2018 at 6:21 am
You know what? My only writing treats these days are the Thursday InkInThirds and a 300 worder on Friday on Microcosms and some material for stand up comedy. It’s my own chaotic time mismanagement. I’m so sorry.
July 13, 2018 at 6:26 am
I am patient. And, there is the ink in thirds thing, which I love!
July 13, 2018 at 6:41 am
Mmm I love InkInThirds too, I always look out for yours. I am in awe of the beauty you and others create there.
July 13, 2018 at 6:45 am
I feel the same about yours! I love challenges like that; seeing how much you can put into so little.
July 13, 2018 at 6:53 am
Thank you, you are so kind. Really appreciated. Just sat down to see the prompt for Friday 300 worder and realised I am the judge this week so can’t enter. Waaaa.