Something has been on my mind lately and I have been hesitant to write about it in this particular forum; I worry that it may upset some people, but I feel compelled, so I will write it and face the decision to press publish (or not) when the time comes.
I read a lot of blogs written by other blind and visually impaired people and I have noticed that most of them seem to be much more positive than mine. Am I too negative? Am I doing a disservice to the blind community by writing more about the struggles than the triumphs on my road to blindness? I try to make it clear that I am not speaking for the blind community, but is it clear enough? Am I inadvertently hurting people? Am I casting a harmful light? Or is it clear that what I write is simply my personal truth and nothing more?
As an artist, I have always felt that the best art comes from a place of total honesty, and whether that place is positive or negative doesn’t matter as long as it is true. But, is this an irresponsible way of looking at things when it comes to writing about disability? I don’t want to hurt anyone or instill fear or further stereotypes. On the other hand, isn’t it my responsibility to myself as a writer, to write my story from my own perspective, no matter how uncomfortable it may be?
When I started writing about RP and going blind, I made a promise to myself that I was going to convey my story in a way that was neither overly “woe is me”, nor overly “I can overcome anything and screw this pesky blindness”. As my story progressed, I allowed my nature to conduct my journey and my experiences, and my nature does veer toward the darker side of things. I have never been the kind of person who races to the top of the mountain and shouts my triumph to the world; I am more the person who contemplates the mountain itself and explores its darkness. I am in no way knocking the person who races to the top of the mountain; I actually admire that person. I am just not wired to climb.
The way I write about my journey into blindness isn’t dictated by blindness itself, but by the nature of who I am, and that is something that was there long before I even knew I was going blind. As an artist, I am compelled to write from the center of my own truth, and that is going to make some people uncomfortable, but I am a writer, not an advocate. I believe that art, in all it’s forms, is powerful because it inspires all kinds of feelings. I don’t set out to hurt anyone or to make anyone uncomfortable, but I do choose to write my truth and sometimes, it will be messy and hard to swallow. My writing isn’t for everyone, but it isn’t meant to be.
Am I being irresponsible? naive? I just don’t know.
October 27, 2017 at 10:28 am
Honesty is the important thing, regardless of whether it’s positive or negative, neither of which is a guarantee of success. It’s important to post your experiences, struggles and feelings, because it provides valuable support for those who resonate with it, either because of their own situations or that of people that they know, plus it raises valuable awareness and interest for those who don’t understand your condition and circumstances so well. The more perspectives there are on disability, the better.
My blog has a very positive slant on it, because I’m going through a very positive phase in my life right now. But I have written about some of the negative times and aspects as well, and will explore any negative issues that come up. One of my most popular posts recently has been about the frustrations I face in life. So if people like what I do, then great. If they don’t, that’s their choice, it’s not for everyone. I have an audience – it may not be a big one, but I have one – and I’m happy with that. So just do what feels right for you, and the right audience will come to you. That’s the approach I take at least.
October 27, 2017 at 11:48 am
Thank you Glen! You just said what I was trying, somewhat awkwardly, to say and I am so glad you understand; obviously I am totally on your page. I am really happy that you are going through a positive time and that it is your truth right now. Thank you for taking the time to read and to comment.
October 27, 2017 at 10:37 am
People will find what ever crutch they need to get through hard times. Be it either thoughtful contemplation or a bottle of the herd stuff. Neither is wrong if it helps that person get through as they see it. If it’s your journey being anything except truthful to yourself would be wrong.
That’s my opinion.
October 27, 2017 at 11:43 am
and I love you for it!!!
October 27, 2017 at 11:56 am
Fuck what anyone else thinks about your process! There are entirely too many “see how admirable and inspiring I am in how I deal with [insert issue here]” blogs. Your writing is refreshing in it’s stark honesty, and has helped me to validate the darker moments and feelings I have about my own journey through life with chronic illness. Your honesty has inspired me to start writing again for my own self expression.
October 27, 2017 at 3:31 pm
I adore you Lady C!!!! Thank you, as ever, for your love and support and your total kick ass way of living life. I am so glad to hear that you have been inspired to start writing and I am grateful to you for reading my crazy blog. xoxo
October 27, 2017 at 3:36 pm
You are going to take the blogging world by absolute gorgeous storm!!!!!!!
October 27, 2017 at 7:54 pm
I believe a dis-service to yourself, and anyone else would be speaking anything other than your truth. As a VI person I find it annoying when people have a steriotype either of total incapacity or extrememe talent like Daredevil or something. The reality is a complex mix somewhere in the middle. It’s kind of like the ocean which can be Calm, crazy, beautiful, terrifying, tame, furious but is still always an ocean. Keep writing, what you need and how you need. Whilst I love how you share the Zelda journey, I also love love love the interludes into the crazy of your Hollywood! I still have a visual you created of gold hot pants man!
October 28, 2017 at 6:03 am
Thank you Liz!!!! Gold Hot Pants Man was so full of his own crazy joy; I am glad he proved memorable for you as well. I love the ocean as a metaphor for this unpredictable ride we are on.
October 28, 2017 at 8:10 am
Don’t you dare stop writing the way you do. What you owe yourself, as a writer, is honesty. Those who dare to speak their truth are the ones who end up changing the world. Life isn’t always sunshine and rainbows, it is messy and challenging, and those things are what help us grow as people. Thank god for the messy bits, they have taught me everything. I received my first hate comment on my blog, and it made me so proud. It meant that I had made someone uncomfortable by writing words so raw he wasn’t able to handle them. Isn’t that what we hope to achieve when we put words on paper? Dammit, it is! This is your journey, girl, you write about it the way you see fit. You do not owe anything to anyone. Repeat that in your head, please. Personally, I don’t find your blog negative in the slightest. You are brave and so fucking courageous for opening up about something so life-altering, it inspires the hell out of me. I am proud of you. So, you keep doing what you are doing and give a big ‘ole ‘fuck you’ to the ones who tell you that you should do it differently! You keep doing you!
October 28, 2017 at 12:38 pm
Ok, so this totally made me cry. I adore you and appreciate you and your truth and your encouragement. I suppose I was always going to write my truth, but sometimes I feel conflicted because I don’t want to hurt anyone; but if I don’t write with the whole of my voice, then my words will be inauthentic and fall empty. I have been so inspired by your writing and by who you are and how you express yourself. I love your attitude about that comment you got; when I read it, I wanted to punch that guy and respond to his shallowness in a scathing way, but then I read your response to him and it made me want to be better; what you said to him was brilliant. I remember I once got a rejection letter that was a complete page, handwritten, and I was thrilled. Something about what I wrote had clearly struck a cord that the editor couldn’t handle; best rejection ever. Thank you again for your encouraging words! I am so glad we have become friends!
October 31, 2017 at 6:47 am
Your comment has brought a massive smile to my face, for SO many reasons. I am so grateful for your words, thank you, darling! I am glad we have become friends as well, it means everything. In each other, we are finding a new perspective – what a gift that is as we both move forward and chase our dreams. We should all lift each other to reach for the stars, that is what you do for me, so I am feeling very blessed. xo
October 29, 2017 at 8:22 am
Always speak your truth! Good bad or ugly. You’re writing will change with your mood, with your experiences. People will identify with your ability to craft your experiences and feelings into words. Your writing is genuine and authentic and always worth a read.
October 29, 2017 at 10:56 am
Thank you so much!!!!! You are brightening my weekend!
October 29, 2017 at 6:29 pm
I believe you answered the question. You are writing from a place of authenticity. We all benefit from the diversity of voices and opinions. Do you. 😊
October 30, 2017 at 10:07 am
Absolutely! Sometimes it takes writing it out to get to the conclusion that was there all along. I have really been enjoying your poems.
November 2, 2017 at 12:27 pm
I’ve only just discovered your blog via Purple Elephant but I’d say it’s important to tell your own story as you see fit, and there’s a lot to be said for simply being realistic… 😉
November 2, 2017 at 1:04 pm
Thank you! I am looking forward to reading your blog!
November 12, 2017 at 1:09 pm
oh love, this just made my heart hurt. But I’ll stay on task. You asked a question, so I shall answer.
Absolutely fucking NOT!
The very fact that you are asking demonstrates that you are not being too anything, that you are feeling what you feel, but also seeking perspective. It is clear that you are deeply empathetic and compassionate, which isn’t surprising given the emotions you are able to evoke with your writing. The truth is, at least in my opinion, people don’t want to hear about your triumphant moment at the top of the mountain. Okay, that’s not true, but if your recount of your journey to get there is void of all of the real emotions and experiences that proceeded your arrival, then save it. That’s not authentic or remotely interesting. Your ‘darkness’, raw honesty and commitment to stay true to who you are…and ability to express all of those things with such grace and eloquence…that is what makes you an artist…and a fucking brilliant one at that.
I say this as if I have not grappled with and probably written the same exact questions. And I am most likely passing on some of the same words dear ones have said to me. We write to share our truth, and to do this we have to take huge emotional risks and have the courage to be extremely vulnerable. Because our truth can be dark and painful, and it can make people feel things that are dark and painful. But we need that sometimes, we need to be able to feel yours, whether it is to validate ours or just to be able to practice compassion and empathy.
So please, keep doing exactly what you are doing and writing what you write. Yes, we want to hear the good things, we want you to find your peace and experience joy, 100%. But we also know you will share those things with us when they happen, as well… with the same grace and eloquence.
November 12, 2017 at 1:53 pm
Brooke, you are a being of beauty in every possible way; everything you write is beautiful and I feel incredibly encouraged and empowered by you and by your words. I have spent most of my life apologizing for simply being and then rebelling against those feelings and apologizing again – a vicious circle- but somehow I always end up writing my truth. I worry a lot about hurting others, but perhaps I haven’t given enough thought to the ways in which being absolutely authentic and honest, as an artist, can help others. As ever, you have helped turn my thoughts in a new direction. I am so incredibly grateful!
November 12, 2017 at 2:22 pm
That blesses me to hear and I hope what I said truly does take hold.
But please know, I still fight on occasion ride that same vicious circle. There have been points in my life when i just opted to keep my mouth shut and distance myself as far as possible from all interaction, simply to avoid feeling the need to apologize for all that was so obviously wrong with me. But my need to connect to people eventually takes hold and I go the other extreme, almost cramming myself down people’s throats so they might see something valuable, something worth keeping, and then taking any sign of rejection as confirmation that I should in fact, keep apologizing.
It’s exhausting and I’m finally…very gradually, getting to a place where I’m just done. I will do everything in my power not to hurt or offend anyone (as do you), and I know now that more often than not, I do just the opposite (as do you). So if I legitimately do something to hurt someone, I apologize and do my very best not to do it again. But if they simply don’t like who I am or what I say or are threatened…or whatever else, that’s there own shit, and there is nothing I can do about it.
I guess what I’ve learned from this whole self-defeating pattern is if I continue to keep adapting what I say, how I act and what I feel to what the people around me need or want, then I become defined by their perceptions of me, not by who I choose to be. Their perceptions are going to change based on their experiences, and they will most likely come and go….and so what is left of me if their perceptions are what define me?
I have two posters hanging in a place that I have to look at before I leave the house. They are simple but are my mantras for when I feel myself sliding back into that cycle of comparing or berating myself..
BE UNAPOLOGETICALLY YOU
and
BE GENTLE WITH YOURSELF, YOU ARE DOING THE BEST YOU CAN
I want you both of these things for you..I truly, truly do.
November 12, 2017 at 2:49 pm
I feel like you are writing about me; I do all of these exact things and am constantly working on making positive changes. I have a cork board above my desk with slips of paper containing quotes and poems from some of my favorite writers; I am going to add your mantras to my board. I feel very lucky and grateful that you have come into my life.
November 12, 2017 at 2:55 pm
oh, I do too, you just have no idea! You truly are a rare, beautiful flower that continues to reveal itself in the most magical and timely ways… just such a gift. Hugest hug to you, my girl!
February 10, 2018 at 11:06 am
Yup…same fricking thing I told her…course coming here late.
February 10, 2018 at 2:39 pm
You guys are both so beautiful and wonderful!
February 10, 2018 at 2:51 pm
Funny thing is Brooke’s was the first blog that inspired me to deep dive. Must be a connection.
February 10, 2018 at 2:59 pm
I am so lucky to be surrounded by so much beauty and compassion, creativity and caring. You and Brooke embody those things.
February 10, 2018 at 3:03 pm
We are all lucky in this regard.
November 18, 2017 at 7:54 am
I read this & found it to be real, too far from being negative. I have been following you & can’t remember whose blog I was on & came across yours, but I said outloud to my computer as if I was taliking to you…oh this blog is going to be interesting I will be back to thoroughly read & comment. You are not hurting people, you are simply helping yourself as well as others from all walks of life & producing more awareness for your condition. Its your personal truth & its raw & real…no sugar-coating. You have to be because you have people out there similiar to myself who don’t do extra or fake people…LOL! I thrive off total honesty anything outside of it is for the birds. Telling your story in all honesty no matter how others may feel is going to wire you up to climb to the top of the mountain. You may not be wired now, but your writing as humble & as honest as you know how is your journey to reach a multitude of people. I am also excited as a new blogger (2 days away from a month) that you decided to follow little old me. You are my third follower outside of myself & I was jumping up & down as if I had won the jackpot. This is your journey to share with the world & I am listening. Thanks so much for sharing because it shows me your strength. It inspires & motivates people who are going through anything to keep going no matter what it looks like. From my heart I Love You! Keep Inspiring
November 18, 2017 at 11:32 am
Wow – you are amazing!!!!! You have lifted me up out of a dark place today and I am so grateful. I am so happy to be a part of your blogging journey and to have you as a part of mine. Thank you so much for you support and your strength and your light!!!
November 18, 2017 at 11:43 am
Yes! I have been waiting so patiently for you to reply & it was what I was hoping for. We both #Rock today. I am so glad I can remember now how I came across your blog…Thanks to DGGYST & her support system…Hell we all rock
November 19, 2017 at 5:46 am
We totally do!!!!!! DGGYST has been a huge support an influence for me as well. So grateful that we are a part of this amazing community!
February 10, 2018 at 11:13 am
I can tell you i agree completely with the statements above. You write the way you feel you must at the time you must. You’ve seen enough of my poems now to know where I’ve been when I wrote them. They needed to come out. There are those that would prefer I always wrote my sensual or garden poems. But I would be lying to myself if I did. Please don’t ever lie to yourself.
February 10, 2018 at 2:42 pm
I won’t. I have always pretty much written what I am feeling, but I do sometimes worry about coming across as if I am speaking for the blind community, when I am totally not. This is just my experience and honestly, I have to write my truth. But, I so appreciate all of the support; I needed a bit of lifting up. thank you!!!!!!
February 10, 2018 at 2:53 pm
You are not denigrating them…you are just relating your life and this condition’s impact on your life. That’s just being truthful. Maybe someone else will read this and be helped by reading about your ebb and flow. Maybe they are going through it and now see they are not alone. Sounds like a positive to me.
February 10, 2018 at 3:00 pm
Yeah, I do see that. Someone newly diagnosed just reached out to me and it made me come back to understanding why I do this.
February 10, 2018 at 3:04 pm
Ha! See!!!! *mic drop*
March 9, 2018 at 2:28 am
NO, you’re not.
You always speak your mind openly and that’s what we love about you. So keep up the good work, you’re doing great.
I love everything you write, but your poetry kills me, you know that.
March 9, 2018 at 6:00 am
Thank you Gorgeous Lady! I am so absolutely humbled and grateful that you like my writing, but especially my poetry; it is where my heart resides. It means so much to me that you see that!
June 6, 2018 at 4:34 pm
Keep on keeping it real.
Susan, your writing is
a true reflection of life’s
real deal. In truth,
deep inside,
how most people feel.
June 7, 2018 at 7:57 am
You are so awesome!!!!! Thank you David!