Last night, Joe and I were finishing season 1 of Iron Fist; we love all that Marvel Super Hero stuff, and although Dare Devil (obviously) holds a special place in my heart, I really like the Immortal Iron Fist (a.k.a.Danny Rand, a.k.a. Loras Tyrell).
Anyway, there we were, awaiting the fate of Madam Gao and all of a sudden I found myself staring into the, quite lovely, eyes of Danny Rand and felt the weight of the Iron Fist smashing me back into reality. I asked Joe to pause the show.
I stared at the paused screen and did what I have been doing a hundred times a day for weeks. I looked straight ahead and tried to determine what I could see in the peripheral field. Joe was sitting next to me on the couch, about 2 feet to my right, and the dogs were on either side of me snuggled in close. I asked Joe to look into the eyes of The Immortal Iron Fist and tell me if he could see me and if he could see the dogs. He said he could, and I burst into tears, sobbing and understanding that all of the self-administered testing of my vision, and attempts at trying to prove to myself that I don’t need Zelda, were in vain.
When I looked at the screen, dead ahead of me, I couldn’t see Joe or the dogs or the picture above the T.V., or my fingers resting on my own shoulder, or even the entire T.V. screen. It was like I was being told for the first time that I am legally blind; the mask of the normally sighted woman, that I have donned for years, was torn away and smashed to pieces.
I think it is time for me to stop asking people what they can see; time to stop asking myself and just accept that no matter what I can still see, it isn’t enough to keep me safe. I need to give Zelda another chance.