I used to work with a woman who taught a workshop she called The Art of Passing. She is a transgender woman who had spent the twenty years before I met her perfecting the art of passing as a woman in the world; walking, talking, moving, standing and gesturing like a woman. When I met her, I wondered if I would be able to understand her experience or she mine, as we had walked such different paths, but in knowing her I came to understand not only her struggles, but my own as well.
I knew what it was to feel the struggle of perfecting the Art of Passing; I have RP and I live in that purgatory of sight which forces you to choose between showing the world either a sighted or a blind person, because nobody can understand the state of being neither. When I was keeping my RP a secret, I learned how to scan a room with subtlety and move slowly as if it were intentional, part of my personality. When I did trip or bump into someone, I would laugh at my own clumsiness and say I had been that way forever. I wore my sunglasses like an appendage and was accused of being ” too cool”, but I would just smile and shrug and turn away. I told everyone that I had selflessly sold my car to help the environment and I just downright avoided any invitations to bars or darkened restaurants. I looked sighted and therefore I was sighted.
Now that I no longer keep my RP a secret, I realize how terribly exhausting it was trying to pass as sighted. It isn’t as if I wear a sign around my neck advertising my disease, but I also don’t try to hide it. I just let myself and my RP, be.
February 19, 2011 at 3:19 am
Hmmm…. yes, I’m reaching that stage of being sick of the purgatory. Just not sure how to go forward, especially on the work front. A lot is going right at work at the mo and it’s scary to think that I’m going to lose that. That at some point, my career trajectory is going to be significantly altered forever. On one level it seems like it will be liberating. Maybe a time to step back and explore other things that I wouldn’t normally get to… like writing? 🙂
It’s a fun ride! hehehe……
February 20, 2011 at 11:33 am
HI R –
I just want to say that your great attitude about things and your ability to see things as adventurous, is super inspiring for me. I know you are at a real crossroads in terms of work and your vision and I wish I had answers. It sounds to me like you are really someone who can do whatever you put your mind and spirit to; I think that when your career path changes, you will embrace it and move into whatever awaits you with a healthy anticipation and positive attitude. I obviously don’t know the specifics of your work or where you are on your vision journey, but it sounds like you are still really enjoying working and if so, keep on doing it. And, I just have to add, working or not, please keep writing; you really are good and I love to read your stuff. I know that it is the unknown future of those of us with RP that can be daunting; how the hell do you plan when you have no idea what will happen with your sight? My fiance told me recently that he thinks we shouldn’t let RP dictate our decisions because we don’t know what will happen; a bit of caution to the wind can be truly wonderful sometimes.
-s
February 24, 2011 at 6:07 am
You perked me right up 🙂
I agree with your fiance. My wife read your comment and agrees with him too.
This is difficult to express in this limited medium, but here goes –
I reckon you have a wonderful way with words and people. Your words encourage and heal. They make me feel like I can carry on and that things will be okay. Thanks for your selfless support. Like I said, this is a limited medium, but your spirit reaches through and has a very positive effect nonetheless. I want you to know that.
– r
February 24, 2011 at 11:27 am
I am so happy and touched that you feel encouraged by my words. They are expressed with heart and authenticity. I also need to tell you that you have been a great encouragement to me in helping me surpass some major obstacles in regard to my writing. Your positive feedback has been truly priceless. I think we are both pretty damn awesome!!!!!
-s
February 3, 2018 at 11:23 am
I am glad you decided to be you.
“but in knowing her I came to understand not only her struggles, but my own as well.”
And THAT is what a deep dive is for me!
February 3, 2018 at 11:46 am
I think that is what life is about. The act of taking the time to truly see is what makes life interesting and exciting and layered and in motion.
February 3, 2018 at 11:47 am
Yes