It feels as if my life exists on the constant proverbial fence.  I am stuck between sight and blindness, despair and joy, thin and fat, failure and success.  I have never really been a total loser or particularly spectacular; I swim in my own ordinary sea with its murky water and unimpressive waves.  I have always felt sort of invisible and of no consequence, surrounded by extraordinary people with strong voices and vibrant personalities.  I am a pearl in an ocean of rubies in a world where only sparkling things have value.  I created this world and I keep it tidy and consistent, believing that residing on the fence makes me boring and unimportant and safe; I am beginning to wonder if this is really true.