On a recent trip to San Francisco, my sister told me that she had read that San Francisco is in danger of destruction should the “big one” (earthquake) hit, but that surprisingly, Los Angeles is not in danger of slipping off into the ocean as most people predict. The idea of slipping off the edge made me think of RP and how it is as if my vision is sliding off into the abyss, into nothing.
It seems strange that slowly losing your vision feels like watching the world become more immense. As my peripheral world slips away I imagine all the things I would have seen falling slowly into a blackness that consumes with a gluttonous joy. It is as if the world has ceased to be round and has grown sharp edges that steal anything that comes too close; my vision walks a constant perilous tightrope along the edge of the world, and over that edge is a dark vast landscape of nothingness. Sometimes, when I feel unsure of my footing or my surroundings in general, I get the sensation that I am going to fall and that there will be no arms, no ground, nothing to catch me; as if I would never stop falling.
When I think about the possibility of blindness, I imagine it would be the loneliest I could ever be.
June 3, 2011 at 6:15 pm
THAT IS THE SCARIEST PART OF RP… BEING COMPLETLY BLIND TERRIFIES ME… I THINK OF ALL THE WHAT IFS? BAN WHAT WILL HAPPEN..WHEN IT WILL?
June 4, 2011 at 10:14 am
I totally get how you feel. It is hard not to think of the what if’s, especially when you have no idea when they will occur. I know a lot of people are fans of the constant positive attitude thing, but I I think that being afraid is part of having RP and if we don’t allow ourselves to feel and express it then it can consume us. I find that if I let myself have my dark days that I can appreciate the light ones so much more.